I don't know where to begin. I miss Andrew horribly; it seems he's the only one lately whom I can trust with my secrets. And he can't text right now because he had to stay after church to practice with the band-I think that's what he told me. Something to that effect. And I feel really distanced from him because of our physical distance and because he's been pretty busy this Thanksgiving break. I didn't want to say anything because he has his own problems to deal with and he doesn't need me to be all mopey and clingy. I know I'll see him next weekend, but right now I just feel like shit.
I'm worried about college, and how I'll do this next semester; or even if I can go. NONE of my teachers have made my total grades known to me. If my grades fall below C's, my financial aid will be cut off. Then what would I do? Work at McDonald's for the rest of my life? Prove those who don't believe I can do it right?
I feel so alone. Being alone with my thoughts is frightening for me. My grandma and my mom always nap during this time of day, increasing my loneliness. But who am I to wake them up for my own selfish wants? Well, I prefer it when my grandma's asleep because the tension between us is ratcheting up the charts as next weekend draws nearer. I'm sick of her comments about Andrew 'upsetting' me or 'not defending' me or 'controlling' me. And now she's trying to smooth things over with me by offering to get Wendy's for dinner. She snapped at me earlier for opening the goddamn front door and waking her up accidentally. Of course I'll accept. (Sigh) Maybe I am the manipulative bitch aunt LeeAnn thinks I am. I would give anything if I could just disappear from this life with Andrew. To just leave all the bad memories and regrets behind...